I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Reverend Jabneel Crouch, fictional author of the book HOW TO BECOME A CULT LEADER IN 50 EASY STEPS. Reading the instructional guide was a life-altering event for one of my main characters in BEAR, and I thought it would be interesting to delve into the mind of the author of such a powerful and trans-formative piece of literature.<\/p>\n
Reverend Crouch agreed to meet for a few minutes in the Interfaith Meditation Room of the Wilkes-Barre\/Scranton International Airport terminal, in Northeast Pennsylvania.<\/p>\n
CA: Do you have a cult following?<\/p>\n
RJC: I’ve sold over thirty copies of my book.<\/p>\n
CA: Where are you originally from?<\/p>\n
RJC: Why is that important? Is this going to be a fluff piece?<\/p>\n
CA: Okay, well, have you ever been arrested?<\/p>\n
RJC: I was born in Kalispell, Montana.<\/p>\n
CA: Oh, really, I have friends near Kalispell.<\/p>\n
RJC: Fascinating. Perhaps I should be interviewing you about your life on Facebook.<\/p>\n
CA: Okay, so what inspired you to write 50 EASY STEPS?<\/p>\n
RJC: Do you have any cigarettes?<\/p>\n
CA: I’m sorry, no, and this is a non-smoking building.<\/p>\n
RJC: I got the idea while eating pudding. Vanilla pudding.<\/p>\n
CA: Right, you wrote that Step Forty-one was to always have plenty of vanilla pudding.<\/p>\n
RJC: Much of life is about comfort foods. Vanilla pudding is easy to make and a joy to share with people dealing with difficult times.<\/p>\n
CA: Is that why you’ve been holding a grilled cheese sandwich?<\/p>\n
RJC: What are you talking about?<\/p>\n
CA: Okay, well, is there any particular step more important than the others?<\/p>\n
RJC: Besides vanilla pudding?<\/p>\n
CA: Yes.<\/p>\n
RJC: If I had to choose, I’d say number eighteen and number forty-seven. To always act as if you know exactly what you’re doing is incredibly important.<\/p>\n
CA: You mean to show confidence?<\/p>\n
RJC: Yes, exactly. And when things go wrong, be swift in assigning blame.<\/p>\n
CA: With all due respect, that seems a bit of a cop out.<\/p>\n
RJC: I don’t appreciate your hostile tone.<\/p>\n
CA: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you.<\/p>\n
RJC: How many copies has your book sold? Let’s move on to some real questions, if you have them.<\/p>\n
CA: Your book jacket mentions a guarantee that anyone following each step will become a cult leader. Of the thirty people who’ve purchased your book, isn’t it true that none have gained any sort of cult following? Isn’t it also true that you’ve just made a few bucks off people already down on their luck?<\/p>\n
RJC: Billy Wayne Hooduk has over a hundred followers! He leads a flock from a traveling circus that’s holed up down near the Jersey shore. I guess you missed that in all your research, Geraldo.<\/p>\n
CA: Billy Wayne is a character in my book, Reverend.<\/p>\n
RJC: It sounds like a terrible story. No wonder it hasn’t sold any copies.<\/p>\n
The interview ended at this point. Reverend Crouch produced a previously stubbed out cigarette butt from his coat pocket and lit it with a wooden match he struck along the back of the meditation pew. I last saw him strolling out toward the tarmac blowing smoke rings and eating the grilled cheese sandwich.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Reverend Jabneel Crouch, fictional author of the book HOW TO BECOME A CULT LEADER IN 50 EASY STEPS. Reading the instructional guide was a life-altering event for one of my main … Continue reading